Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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