Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
