I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
