The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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