just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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