Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
