You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
wow bdsm is so cute
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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