turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
