sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
