How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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