i was born a porn star she said
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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