i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
