There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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