I wish I could punch you in the face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
