No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
