Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
