all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She announced her abortion via fbk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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