Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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