that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
