I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
