Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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