why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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