I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
