hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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