Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
