Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
