i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
