The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
