I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
