All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
