update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
