My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
