after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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