I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
