Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
honey bunches of taint.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
