she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
