This girl is more easily done than said...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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