why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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