The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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