i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
