Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He has the fingertips of a God
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