I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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