Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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