so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
