i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
