i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
