Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
