i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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