ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
