High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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