i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
