For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they're like a gay fantastic four
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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