I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
