We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
