yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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