i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
