She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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